Is there any relation between the number of those tearjerkers you watch on TV and your mental state? A recent study has found that unhappy people
watch much more television than happy people.
Academics found happy people socialise more, read more newspapers and have more sex — but watch less television. Those who are unhappy watch up to 30% more television than happy people, John Robinson and Steven Martin of the University of Maryland discovered.
The American researchers formed their conclusions after analysing the social habits of 30,000 people between 1975 and 2006, reports the Telegraph.
The findings raise questions about other studies which show that watching television is often the highlight of a person’s day.
Robinson, a sociologist, said: “The conflicting data suggest that TV may provide viewers with short-run pleasure, but at the expense of long-term malaise.”
“What viewers seem to be saying is that while TV in general is a waste of time and not particularly enjoyable, the shows I saw tonight were pretty good,” Robinson said in an interview.
Source: http://forum.activefun.net/unhappy-people-watch-more-tv-t1562.html
Monday, August 30, 2010
Friday, August 20, 2010
Global Connectivity and Wired World - Weather Forecast
It was April and the Aboriginals in a remote part of Northern Australia asked their new elder if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was an elder in a modern community he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like.
Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the tribe should collect firewood to be prepared.
But being a practical leader, after several days he had an idea.
He walked out to the telephone booth on the highway, called the Bureau of Meteorology and asked, 'Is the coming winter in this area going to be cold?'
The meteorologist responded, 'It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold..'
So the elder went back to his people and told them to collect even more wood in order to be prepared.
A week later he called the Bureau of Meteorology again. 'Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?'
The meteorologist again replied, 'Yes, it's going to be a very cold winter.'
The elder again went back to his community and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find.
Two weeks later the elder called the Bureau again. 'Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?' he asked.
'Absolutely,' the man replied. 'It's looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest winters ever.'
'How can you be so sure?' the elder asked.
The weatherman replied, 'Our satellites have reported that the Aboriginals in the north are collecting firewood like crazy, and that's always a sure sign
Source: Email forward
Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the tribe should collect firewood to be prepared.
But being a practical leader, after several days he had an idea.
He walked out to the telephone booth on the highway, called the Bureau of Meteorology and asked, 'Is the coming winter in this area going to be cold?'
The meteorologist responded, 'It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold..'
So the elder went back to his people and told them to collect even more wood in order to be prepared.
A week later he called the Bureau of Meteorology again. 'Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?'
The meteorologist again replied, 'Yes, it's going to be a very cold winter.'
The elder again went back to his community and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find.
Two weeks later the elder called the Bureau again. 'Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?' he asked.
'Absolutely,' the man replied. 'It's looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest winters ever.'
'How can you be so sure?' the elder asked.
The weatherman replied, 'Our satellites have reported that the Aboriginals in the north are collecting firewood like crazy, and that's always a sure sign
Source: Email forward
Friday, August 13, 2010
What is Smartness
There once lived a great mathematician in a village outside Ujjain . He was often called by the local king to advice on matters related to the economy. His reputation had spread as far as Taxila in the North and Kanchi in the South. So it hurt him very much when the village headman told him, "You may be a great mathematician who advises the king on economic matters but your son does not know the value of gold or silver."
The mathematician called his son and asked, "What is more valuable - gold or silver?" "Gold," said the son. "That is correct. Why is it then that the village headman makes fun of you, claims you do not know the value of gold or silver? He teases me every day. He mocks me before other village elders as a father who neglects his son. This hurts me. I feel everyone in the village is laughing behind my back because you do not know what is more valuable, gold or silver. Explain this to me, son."
So the son of the mathematician told his father the reason why the village headman carried this impression. "Every day on my way to school, the village headman calls me to his house. There, in front of all village elders, he holds out a silver coin in one hand and a gold coin in other. He asks me to pick up the more valuable coin. I pick the silver coin. He laughs, the elders jeer, everyone makes fun of me. And then I go to school. This happens every day. That is why they tell you I do not know the value of gold or silver."
The father was confused. His son knew the value of gold and silver, and yet when asked to choose between a gold coin and silver coin always picked the silver coin. "Why don't you pick up the gold coin?" he asked. In response, the son took the father to his room and showed him a box. In the box were at least a hundred silver coins. Turning to his father, the mathematician' s son said, "The day I pick up the gold coin the game will stop. They will stop having fun and I will stop making money."
The bottom line is...
Sometimes in life, we have to play the fool because our seniors and our peers, and sometimes even our juniors like it. That does not mean we lose in the game of life. It just means allowing others to win in one arena of the game, while we win in the other arena of the game. We have to choose which arena matters to us and which arenas do not.
Source: Email forward
The mathematician called his son and asked, "What is more valuable - gold or silver?" "Gold," said the son. "That is correct. Why is it then that the village headman makes fun of you, claims you do not know the value of gold or silver? He teases me every day. He mocks me before other village elders as a father who neglects his son. This hurts me. I feel everyone in the village is laughing behind my back because you do not know what is more valuable, gold or silver. Explain this to me, son."
So the son of the mathematician told his father the reason why the village headman carried this impression. "Every day on my way to school, the village headman calls me to his house. There, in front of all village elders, he holds out a silver coin in one hand and a gold coin in other. He asks me to pick up the more valuable coin. I pick the silver coin. He laughs, the elders jeer, everyone makes fun of me. And then I go to school. This happens every day. That is why they tell you I do not know the value of gold or silver."
The father was confused. His son knew the value of gold and silver, and yet when asked to choose between a gold coin and silver coin always picked the silver coin. "Why don't you pick up the gold coin?" he asked. In response, the son took the father to his room and showed him a box. In the box were at least a hundred silver coins. Turning to his father, the mathematician' s son said, "The day I pick up the gold coin the game will stop. They will stop having fun and I will stop making money."
The bottom line is...
Sometimes in life, we have to play the fool because our seniors and our peers, and sometimes even our juniors like it. That does not mean we lose in the game of life. It just means allowing others to win in one arena of the game, while we win in the other arena of the game. We have to choose which arena matters to us and which arenas do not.
Source: Email forward
Monday, August 2, 2010
Second Chance
It's another morning......... Again I have to go to the office.
Ohh!! this is me... I shouted, having a glance at my photo in today's news paper.
But what the HELL is it doing in the death column??
Strange...
One second.......Let me think, last night when I was going to bed I had a severe pain in my chest, but I don't remember anything after that, I think I had a sound sleep.
It's morning now, ohh....... It's already 10:00 AM, where is my coffee?
I will be late for office and my boss will get a chance to irritate me..
Where is everyone...??? I screamed.
"I think there is a crowd outside my room, let me check." I said to myself.
So many people..... Not all of them crying......
But why are some of them crying....
WHAT IS THIS??? Im lying there on the floor...
"I AM HERE" ....... I shouted!!! No one is listening.
"LOOK I AM NOT DEAD" .... I screamed once again!! No one is interested in me.
They all were looking at me on the bed.
I went back to my bed room. "Am I dead??" I asked myself...
Where is my wife, my children, my Mom, my Dad, my friends?
I found them in the next room, all of them were crying...still trying to console each other.
My wife was crying... she was really looking sad.
My little kid was not sure what happened, but he was crying just because his Mom was sad..
How can I go without saying to my kid that I really love him,
I really do care for him. ??
How can I go without saying to my wife that she is really the most beautiful and most caring wife in this world..??
How can I go without saying to my parents that Im what I am ... just because of you??
How can I go without telling my friends that without them perhaps I would have done most of the wrong things in my life... thanks for being there always when I need them...and sorry for not being there when they really need me..
I can see a person standing in the corner and trying to hide his tears....
Oh.... he was once my best friend, but a small misunderstanding made us part, and we both have a strong enough ego to keep us disconnected.
I went there..... And offered him my hand, "Dear friend.... I just want to say sorry for everything, we are still best friends, please forgive me."
No response from other side, what the hell?? He is still preserving his ego, I am saying sorry... even then!!!
I really don't care for such people.
But one second...... It seems he is not able to see me!!!! He did not see my extended hand.
My goodness...... AM I REALLY DEAD???
I just sat down near ME; I was also feeling like crying...
"OH ALMIGHTY!!!! PLEASE JUST GIVE ME FEW MORE DAYS..."
I just want to make my wife, my parents; my friends realize how much I love them.....
My wife entered the room, she looks beautiful.
"YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL" I shouted.
She didn't hear my words, in fact she never heard these words because I never said this to her.
"GOD!!!!" I screamed... a little more timeplzzzzz...
I cried...
One more chance please... to hug my child, to make my mom smile just once, to feel my dad proud of me at least for a moment, to say sorry to my friends for everything I have not given to them, and thanks for still being in my life....
Then I looked up and cried!!
I shouted.......
"GOD!!!! ONE MORE CHANCE PLEASE!!!!"
"You shouted in your sleep," said my wife as she gently woke me up. "Did you have a nightmare?"
I was sleeping....
Ohh that was just a dream....
My wife was there... she can hear me... This is the happiest moment of my life...
I hugged her and whispered....
"YOU ARE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL AND CARING WIFE IN THIS UNIVERSE..... I REALLY LOVE YOU, DEAR"
I can't understand the reason of the smile on her face with some tears in her eyes, still Im happy....
"THANK YOU GOD FOR THIS SECOND CHANCE."
SO, now it's not late... Forget the egos, the Past... and express your love to others.......
Be friendly...
Keep smiling...... forever....It is another chance For you...
Source: Email forward
Ohh!! this is me... I shouted, having a glance at my photo in today's news paper.
But what the HELL is it doing in the death column??
Strange...
One second.......Let me think, last night when I was going to bed I had a severe pain in my chest, but I don't remember anything after that, I think I had a sound sleep.
It's morning now, ohh....... It's already 10:00 AM, where is my coffee?
I will be late for office and my boss will get a chance to irritate me..
Where is everyone...??? I screamed.
"I think there is a crowd outside my room, let me check." I said to myself.
So many people..... Not all of them crying......
But why are some of them crying....
WHAT IS THIS??? Im lying there on the floor...
"I AM HERE" ....... I shouted!!! No one is listening.
"LOOK I AM NOT DEAD" .... I screamed once again!! No one is interested in me.
They all were looking at me on the bed.
I went back to my bed room. "Am I dead??" I asked myself...
Where is my wife, my children, my Mom, my Dad, my friends?
I found them in the next room, all of them were crying...still trying to console each other.
My wife was crying... she was really looking sad.
My little kid was not sure what happened, but he was crying just because his Mom was sad..
How can I go without saying to my kid that I really love him,
I really do care for him. ??
How can I go without saying to my wife that she is really the most beautiful and most caring wife in this world..??
How can I go without saying to my parents that Im what I am ... just because of you??
How can I go without telling my friends that without them perhaps I would have done most of the wrong things in my life... thanks for being there always when I need them...and sorry for not being there when they really need me..
I can see a person standing in the corner and trying to hide his tears....
Oh.... he was once my best friend, but a small misunderstanding made us part, and we both have a strong enough ego to keep us disconnected.
I went there..... And offered him my hand, "Dear friend.... I just want to say sorry for everything, we are still best friends, please forgive me."
No response from other side, what the hell?? He is still preserving his ego, I am saying sorry... even then!!!
I really don't care for such people.
But one second...... It seems he is not able to see me!!!! He did not see my extended hand.
My goodness...... AM I REALLY DEAD???
I just sat down near ME; I was also feeling like crying...
"OH ALMIGHTY!!!! PLEASE JUST GIVE ME FEW MORE DAYS..."
I just want to make my wife, my parents; my friends realize how much I love them.....
My wife entered the room, she looks beautiful.
"YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL" I shouted.
She didn't hear my words, in fact she never heard these words because I never said this to her.
"GOD!!!!" I screamed... a little more timeplzzzzz...
I cried...
One more chance please... to hug my child, to make my mom smile just once, to feel my dad proud of me at least for a moment, to say sorry to my friends for everything I have not given to them, and thanks for still being in my life....
Then I looked up and cried!!
I shouted.......
"GOD!!!! ONE MORE CHANCE PLEASE!!!!"
"You shouted in your sleep," said my wife as she gently woke me up. "Did you have a nightmare?"
I was sleeping....
Ohh that was just a dream....
My wife was there... she can hear me... This is the happiest moment of my life...
I hugged her and whispered....
"YOU ARE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL AND CARING WIFE IN THIS UNIVERSE..... I REALLY LOVE YOU, DEAR"
I can't understand the reason of the smile on her face with some tears in her eyes, still Im happy....
"THANK YOU GOD FOR THIS SECOND CHANCE."
SO, now it's not late... Forget the egos, the Past... and express your love to others.......
Be friendly...
Keep smiling...... forever....It is another chance For you...
Source: Email forward
Friday, July 30, 2010
Interview Related Suggestions
Vague objective statement
Instead of a vague objective statement, develop a tagline about what you do or your particular area of expertise.
Too job-orientedYour resume should not merely be a list of the duties and responsibilities you had at each company you worked for. Provide examples about how you achieved results and success. This may be a good area to outline your strengths.
Using personal pronouns and articlesA resume is a form of business communication, so it should be concise and written in a telegraphic style. There should be no mentions of "I" or "me" and a minimal use of articles.
Listing unnecessary informationYou should only include your interests and hobbies if they’re related to the job. For example, if you’re applying to become a nurse manager, you can include that you’ve volunteered at hospitals throughout college. More after the break...
Not including a summaryInclude a summary of your experiences that demonstrates your skills and achievements directly related to the position you want (This may not be applicable in all cases unless you have extensive work experience).
Font SizeThe font size for resume content should be 12 points.
File TypeYour resume should be saved in a plain/rich text format. Do NOT save it as in the form of a PDF file type because it could exceed the maximum file size of 200 kilobytes accepted by many email severs.
Cultural Tips and Tricks
Salary NegotiationAlthough negotiating salary, may be common in some places it is not recommended for the UAE market. It may give the potential employer a negative impression about the candidate.
Work EnvironmentTypically, the work environment follows a fun and laidback attitude. It’s not a typical North American culture where an average individual works five days a week from 9-5pm. Don’t be surprised if you find yourself working overtime without overtime pay.
You can't get a job without at least one interview.
1. Greet your interviewer with a firm handshake and a smile, address your interviewer by name, and make eye contact.
2. Never sit until asked to do so.
3. Ensure you are informed about the position and the organization before your interview. Wherever possible get a job description or review the details of the position. Go to their web site. You should know approximately what the salary range is for the position (particularly if going through an agency). Research the organization and affiliations. Be aware of all products or services.
4. Make sure you are familiar with all dates and information on your resume. Be prepared to go into detail and to give examples of various difficult work situations you have successfully handled.
5. Make sure you know the exact location and how to get there. Get there five to ten minutes early.
6. Dress should be appropriate, businesslike and conservative. Always look successful.
7. You may be asked to talk about yourself, but keep your entire life history for non-business situations! An interviewer is interested in how you and your experience best suit the position and the company. Do not take notes, and do not be concerned if your interviewer takes notes. Never speak negatively about present or previous work situations.
8. At the end of the interview you may have an opportunity to ask questions. Express enthusiasm and interest in the company and the position. Thank the interviewer for their time. You may ask what the next step would be in their hiring process. Do not discuss money/salary during the interview, or ask about benefits and vacation, unless the interviewer brings these subjects up for discussion. End the interview with a handshake.
9. A follow-up note or thank you letter sent after the interview, if you are particularly interested in the position and organization, is a good way to keep your name visible. A follow-up call within a week is a good idea, if you have not been contacted.
10. If an agency arranged the interview for you, call them immediately. It is important for the agency to get your response about the position, before they talk to the employer. A positive response from you can often lead to a positive response from the employer. Keep in touch with your agency.
Source: http://ritemail.blogspot.com/2010/07/interview-related-suggestions.html
Instead of a vague objective statement, develop a tagline about what you do or your particular area of expertise.
Too job-orientedYour resume should not merely be a list of the duties and responsibilities you had at each company you worked for. Provide examples about how you achieved results and success. This may be a good area to outline your strengths.
Using personal pronouns and articlesA resume is a form of business communication, so it should be concise and written in a telegraphic style. There should be no mentions of "I" or "me" and a minimal use of articles.
Listing unnecessary informationYou should only include your interests and hobbies if they’re related to the job. For example, if you’re applying to become a nurse manager, you can include that you’ve volunteered at hospitals throughout college. More after the break...
Not including a summaryInclude a summary of your experiences that demonstrates your skills and achievements directly related to the position you want (This may not be applicable in all cases unless you have extensive work experience).
Font SizeThe font size for resume content should be 12 points.
File TypeYour resume should be saved in a plain/rich text format. Do NOT save it as in the form of a PDF file type because it could exceed the maximum file size of 200 kilobytes accepted by many email severs.
Cultural Tips and Tricks
Salary NegotiationAlthough negotiating salary, may be common in some places it is not recommended for the UAE market. It may give the potential employer a negative impression about the candidate.
Work EnvironmentTypically, the work environment follows a fun and laidback attitude. It’s not a typical North American culture where an average individual works five days a week from 9-5pm. Don’t be surprised if you find yourself working overtime without overtime pay.
You can't get a job without at least one interview.
1. Greet your interviewer with a firm handshake and a smile, address your interviewer by name, and make eye contact.
2. Never sit until asked to do so.
3. Ensure you are informed about the position and the organization before your interview. Wherever possible get a job description or review the details of the position. Go to their web site. You should know approximately what the salary range is for the position (particularly if going through an agency). Research the organization and affiliations. Be aware of all products or services.
4. Make sure you are familiar with all dates and information on your resume. Be prepared to go into detail and to give examples of various difficult work situations you have successfully handled.
5. Make sure you know the exact location and how to get there. Get there five to ten minutes early.
6. Dress should be appropriate, businesslike and conservative. Always look successful.
7. You may be asked to talk about yourself, but keep your entire life history for non-business situations! An interviewer is interested in how you and your experience best suit the position and the company. Do not take notes, and do not be concerned if your interviewer takes notes. Never speak negatively about present or previous work situations.
8. At the end of the interview you may have an opportunity to ask questions. Express enthusiasm and interest in the company and the position. Thank the interviewer for their time. You may ask what the next step would be in their hiring process. Do not discuss money/salary during the interview, or ask about benefits and vacation, unless the interviewer brings these subjects up for discussion. End the interview with a handshake.
9. A follow-up note or thank you letter sent after the interview, if you are particularly interested in the position and organization, is a good way to keep your name visible. A follow-up call within a week is a good idea, if you have not been contacted.
10. If an agency arranged the interview for you, call them immediately. It is important for the agency to get your response about the position, before they talk to the employer. A positive response from you can often lead to a positive response from the employer. Keep in touch with your agency.
Source: http://ritemail.blogspot.com/2010/07/interview-related-suggestions.html
Monday, July 26, 2010
Dad Vs Daughter......
'You have done a brilliant work Rajesh. You have been given....rrrrhhhhh......
'Raaajeeessshhh....'...I heard my wife yelling. What's w/ her? Always yelling for something or the other. I can't be in peace even in my dreams. Shucks!! Angrily, I kicked my blanket and got down. 'Raaajesssh....' 'Coming Meera..what's w/ you. Why are you shouting like this..'.
I hurried down the stairs. I saw Meera, my sweet(??!!) wife, sitting in the couch giving breakfast to my 7yr old daughter Achala. Both looked happy, watching TV.
I got confused at the whole scenario. I came running down, expecting some kind of earthquake, but instead here everything was in place. I looked at my wife & daughter. She smiled at me back. Now, I more got confused, what's happening here? Am I in a dream?
'Meera...'
'Yeah Rajesh...'
'You called me. In fact yelled.'
'Yes. You are right!'
'Everything is fine here right? Why you screamed like that then...'
'It's 'cos it's going to be 8am now.'
I couldn't understand what she was trying to say. Is she playing some kind of prank? Is this the time for all these? I have to be in office by 9am for a meeting.
'Yes. It's going to be 8am.Right! So...?'
'Rajesh, don't tell me, you forgot...today is 27th '
'27th..What 27th?
'Don't tell me you don't remember?'
Meera gave me an 'I'll kill you' look. Is it her birthday? No it's somewhere at the year end. Is it my daughter's? No no , we celebrated last month only right. Got it. Should be our Anniversary.
'Hey Meera, How will I forget our Anniversary...'
'Whaattttttt????....
Got it. It's not our anniversary. Before I get killed...What's w/ 27th. What ?? what?? Come on Rajesh!! Think. Nothing hit my mind. I looked at my daughter for a clue. She turned her face away. What's with all women? Why can't they be straight forward & say things. With so much work pressure, how on earth I am supposed to remember all the dates?. If I say something, then Meera will pick up a fight, and I will miss the meeting, my whole day will be gone. I made up my mind to surrender.
'Meera, Sorry, I don't remember. This medicine I am taking for cough, Something happened..my memory is deteriorating ..What's today?' Meera doesn't seem like buying that excuse from me.
'Meera, please tell me' I asked in a pitiable tone..
'Rajesh..You don't remember at all?' I moved my head left & right meaning NO. I kept my face like I am a patient suffering from 'amnesia'.
'Rajesh, As part of annual day celebrations, today is 'Daddy's Day' in Acchu's school. I have been telling you for the past 3 weeks. Now don't tell me you forgot. You already promised that you will go with her to her school'
I couldn't believe that I accepted for something like that. 'Meeraa..did I??'
'Yes. You did'
'at what time it starts..?'
'By 8:30am and ends at 1pm'.
Gosh!! 9am!! I have such a critical meeting. How I will attend all these.
"Meera, you could have reminded me yesterday right?'
'Oh I didn't remind you? Great. I didn't call to your office. Or remind you in the evening and before going to bed'
Might be I wouldn't have heard it. Or slipped out of my memory. Whatever!!
'Meera! Can't you attend all these. Why should I??'
"Rajesh. It's Daddy's Day!...DADDY'ss!!!!!'
'Oh yeah....but...'
'But what????...'
'errrh....might be some other day...'
'What? You want the school to postpone the function?'
'No..No...actually..what..I am saying is..'
'What Rajesh??? What?? Tell me. You promised Acchu and are you going to disappoint her? '
I stood there totally helpless. I looked at my daughter. She was all dressed up and ready to go. She looked like, she will cry any time. I saw Meera. She gave me a murderous look. I thought for a moment and my mind raced with many calculations. Important meeting. I can't miss for sure. Half a day is too much. So many deliverables will get affected. I can't face Meera again if I don't go. Might be I can postpone the meeting by an hour and for name sake visit that function and escape to office.
'Meera, I will go, but I can spend only 1 hour..'
'No...that's not..'
Before Meera finished the sentence, Acchu rushed to me 'Thanks daddy. 1hour. Mom, 1hour is enough mom. Please don't fight mom. Daddy, get ready soon..' she nudged me.
'Do you know her school name and the route for the school or you want me to tell???' Asking that Meera threw me an angry look and left the living room. I rushed up, got ready. Called my manager & told that I got stuck in traffic jam and postponed the meeting to 10am.
I took Achala to her school. I felt somehow entering the school, 'cos it's the 2nd time, I am entering her school. In fact 1st time. I once dropped her outside her school gate. The school had a big playground, Small Park with all kids playing equipments. Some stalls were put up. So many kids with their fathers moved around here & there. Suddenly I felt some one touching my hand
'Are you achala's daddy?' - A small kid asked. She had curly hair and bubbly smile.
'Yes,,,My Daddy.....' - Achala responded in an excited tone. And some kids ran towards me and Achala started introducing everyone.
'Daddy! this is Rohit, this is zakir, Anis, Sylvia, Divya..' - I told hello to everyone.
'Daddy, Daddy, Zakir is my best friend.' - I smiled at that cute blue eyed boy.
'Uncle, Acchu told that you have so much work and you won't be able to come. She told she won't come in today. You don't have work Uncle?' - Zakir asked me.
I suddenly felt very bad on how my daughter has understood me. 'No Zakir, I don't have work'
'Daddy, they are calling for the games. ' . Zakir ran to his father and waved his hands at me & achala. I took achala by hand and walked towards the stage. They were announcing the 1st game. Fathers will be given a sheet containing questions about their kids. Fathers have to fill about their kids which will be verified with the kids response.
Achala was all excited about the game and she was all set to go. But I felt shivers. I looked at my daughter. Suddenly, I felt very far from her, and the reality hit me, that I don't know anything about my very own daughter. I blurted out 'Acchu..we will attend the next game..This one ..' She gave me a deep stare. I thought she is going to cry or shout or do something. But instead she pulled out a small paper from her jeans pocket and gave it to me. Completely baffled, I opened the sheet.
My name is Achala. My birthday March 21st. I am 7yrs old. I like butterfly. Superman. Dairy milk. painting. dancing. I am in 1st standard A section. I like Dora. Mango. Apple. Fried rice. Jelly. I don't like banana. I drink boost.. I like yellow color. My nick name is 'Honey dew'
And the list went on with small, small spelling mistakes. I looked at Acchu. 'Daddy, read it, I know they will keep this game. So I wrote it 2 days back itself, to give you if you come. If they ask anything about me, write there. Ok Now go & attend the game'. Most of the things, my daughter has written & gave me, I never knew anything about it. I suddenly felt a lump in my throat. I went to the stage waved my hand to Acchu and got the question sheet. Since Acchu gave the sheet, I came to know about her & I answered almost all the questions. Then they asked Acchu on stage and asked the questions to her. We got the 2nd highest mark in that game. Acchu came running towards me and hugged me. They gave a 'toy guitar'. Everyone congratulated us. Thou' I won that game, I felt like a loser. I know, I don't deserve this. I don't know anything about my daughter.
She looked very happy showing that guitar to her best friend, zakir . What a kid she is. Understanding that her dad is totally hopeless and don't want to let her dad down, before others she prepared that sheet and gave to me. The lump in my throat started getting bigger and my heart became heavy. I caressed her hair. What a beautiful smile she has and such big eyes. Does she miss a wing to get qualified as an angel? I have never admired my daughter or even watched her in all these years. She has that cute dimple of Meera's as well as her eyes. Does that curling lip edges when she smiles, is mine? How I missed all this in my life.
Achala pulled me to the stalls there and I got some eatables and ballons for her and zakir.. She kept talking about the next game and suddenly my mobile rang. Oops!! Is it already 10am. I looked at Acchu . Suddenly her face became dark. She looked totally upset and asked in an low voice 'Daddy! You have to leave now?'
I looked at my mobile. My manager was calling. It's already 10am. I looked at Acchu. I looked around. All those happy kids with their fathers. I thought about my school days, where my dad used to come for all sports day, annual day, sit with me, cheer me up. Every day morning, while dropping me to school, he will wait near the gate until my head disappear. Evening, he will come & pick me up in his cycle, and I will be telling him all the stories that happened that day in school.
I saw Acchu. How many untold stories my daughter has kept in her heart to say me? I thought about all those days, where I yearned for a girl child and I wonder, how much of my time I gave her.
I pulled her closer, gave a kiss on her fore head 'No Honey! I am not going. I will be here only...we will attend all games and roam around whole day.ok?'
'Really?' - She asked in an unbelievable tone.
'Yes sweetz'
'Thank you Daddy!' - Achala kissed my cheeks and ran to her friends. School teaches you something or the other always. This time, 'back to school' has taught me a wonderful life's lesson. I called my
manager & told that am running high fever and can't come in today. I know, I can handle things tomorrow. Today my daughter needs me more than anyone can need me in this world. With a lighter heart, I got up; ran towards Acchu, lifted her and gave her a big swing. She erupted into an uncontrollable laughter. The lump in my throat started melting away.
Source: Email forward
'Raaajeeessshhh....'...I heard my wife yelling. What's w/ her? Always yelling for something or the other. I can't be in peace even in my dreams. Shucks!! Angrily, I kicked my blanket and got down. 'Raaajesssh....' 'Coming Meera..what's w/ you. Why are you shouting like this..'.
I hurried down the stairs. I saw Meera, my sweet(??!!) wife, sitting in the couch giving breakfast to my 7yr old daughter Achala. Both looked happy, watching TV.
I got confused at the whole scenario. I came running down, expecting some kind of earthquake, but instead here everything was in place. I looked at my wife & daughter. She smiled at me back. Now, I more got confused, what's happening here? Am I in a dream?
'Meera...'
'Yeah Rajesh...'
'You called me. In fact yelled.'
'Yes. You are right!'
'Everything is fine here right? Why you screamed like that then...'
'It's 'cos it's going to be 8am now.'
I couldn't understand what she was trying to say. Is she playing some kind of prank? Is this the time for all these? I have to be in office by 9am for a meeting.
'Yes. It's going to be 8am.Right! So...?'
'Rajesh, don't tell me, you forgot...today is 27th '
'27th..What 27th?
'Don't tell me you don't remember?'
Meera gave me an 'I'll kill you' look. Is it her birthday? No it's somewhere at the year end. Is it my daughter's? No no , we celebrated last month only right. Got it. Should be our Anniversary.
'Hey Meera, How will I forget our Anniversary...'
'Whaattttttt????....
Got it. It's not our anniversary. Before I get killed...What's w/ 27th. What ?? what?? Come on Rajesh!! Think. Nothing hit my mind. I looked at my daughter for a clue. She turned her face away. What's with all women? Why can't they be straight forward & say things. With so much work pressure, how on earth I am supposed to remember all the dates?. If I say something, then Meera will pick up a fight, and I will miss the meeting, my whole day will be gone. I made up my mind to surrender.
'Meera, Sorry, I don't remember. This medicine I am taking for cough, Something happened..my memory is deteriorating ..What's today?' Meera doesn't seem like buying that excuse from me.
'Meera, please tell me' I asked in a pitiable tone..
'Rajesh..You don't remember at all?' I moved my head left & right meaning NO. I kept my face like I am a patient suffering from 'amnesia'.
'Rajesh, As part of annual day celebrations, today is 'Daddy's Day' in Acchu's school. I have been telling you for the past 3 weeks. Now don't tell me you forgot. You already promised that you will go with her to her school'
I couldn't believe that I accepted for something like that. 'Meeraa..did I??'
'Yes. You did'
'at what time it starts..?'
'By 8:30am and ends at 1pm'.
Gosh!! 9am!! I have such a critical meeting. How I will attend all these.
"Meera, you could have reminded me yesterday right?'
'Oh I didn't remind you? Great. I didn't call to your office. Or remind you in the evening and before going to bed'
Might be I wouldn't have heard it. Or slipped out of my memory. Whatever!!
'Meera! Can't you attend all these. Why should I??'
"Rajesh. It's Daddy's Day!...DADDY'ss!!!!!'
'Oh yeah....but...'
'But what????...'
'errrh....might be some other day...'
'What? You want the school to postpone the function?'
'No..No...actually..what..I am saying is..'
'What Rajesh??? What?? Tell me. You promised Acchu and are you going to disappoint her? '
I stood there totally helpless. I looked at my daughter. She was all dressed up and ready to go. She looked like, she will cry any time. I saw Meera. She gave me a murderous look. I thought for a moment and my mind raced with many calculations. Important meeting. I can't miss for sure. Half a day is too much. So many deliverables will get affected. I can't face Meera again if I don't go. Might be I can postpone the meeting by an hour and for name sake visit that function and escape to office.
'Meera, I will go, but I can spend only 1 hour..'
'No...that's not..'
Before Meera finished the sentence, Acchu rushed to me 'Thanks daddy. 1hour. Mom, 1hour is enough mom. Please don't fight mom. Daddy, get ready soon..' she nudged me.
'Do you know her school name and the route for the school or you want me to tell???' Asking that Meera threw me an angry look and left the living room. I rushed up, got ready. Called my manager & told that I got stuck in traffic jam and postponed the meeting to 10am.
I took Achala to her school. I felt somehow entering the school, 'cos it's the 2nd time, I am entering her school. In fact 1st time. I once dropped her outside her school gate. The school had a big playground, Small Park with all kids playing equipments. Some stalls were put up. So many kids with their fathers moved around here & there. Suddenly I felt some one touching my hand
'Are you achala's daddy?' - A small kid asked. She had curly hair and bubbly smile.
'Yes,,,My Daddy.....' - Achala responded in an excited tone. And some kids ran towards me and Achala started introducing everyone.
'Daddy! this is Rohit, this is zakir, Anis, Sylvia, Divya..' - I told hello to everyone.
'Daddy, Daddy, Zakir is my best friend.' - I smiled at that cute blue eyed boy.
'Uncle, Acchu told that you have so much work and you won't be able to come. She told she won't come in today. You don't have work Uncle?' - Zakir asked me.
I suddenly felt very bad on how my daughter has understood me. 'No Zakir, I don't have work'
'Daddy, they are calling for the games. ' . Zakir ran to his father and waved his hands at me & achala. I took achala by hand and walked towards the stage. They were announcing the 1st game. Fathers will be given a sheet containing questions about their kids. Fathers have to fill about their kids which will be verified with the kids response.
Achala was all excited about the game and she was all set to go. But I felt shivers. I looked at my daughter. Suddenly, I felt very far from her, and the reality hit me, that I don't know anything about my very own daughter. I blurted out 'Acchu..we will attend the next game..This one ..' She gave me a deep stare. I thought she is going to cry or shout or do something. But instead she pulled out a small paper from her jeans pocket and gave it to me. Completely baffled, I opened the sheet.
My name is Achala. My birthday March 21st. I am 7yrs old. I like butterfly. Superman. Dairy milk. painting. dancing. I am in 1st standard A section. I like Dora. Mango. Apple. Fried rice. Jelly. I don't like banana. I drink boost.. I like yellow color. My nick name is 'Honey dew'
And the list went on with small, small spelling mistakes. I looked at Acchu. 'Daddy, read it, I know they will keep this game. So I wrote it 2 days back itself, to give you if you come. If they ask anything about me, write there. Ok Now go & attend the game'. Most of the things, my daughter has written & gave me, I never knew anything about it. I suddenly felt a lump in my throat. I went to the stage waved my hand to Acchu and got the question sheet. Since Acchu gave the sheet, I came to know about her & I answered almost all the questions. Then they asked Acchu on stage and asked the questions to her. We got the 2nd highest mark in that game. Acchu came running towards me and hugged me. They gave a 'toy guitar'. Everyone congratulated us. Thou' I won that game, I felt like a loser. I know, I don't deserve this. I don't know anything about my daughter.
She looked very happy showing that guitar to her best friend, zakir . What a kid she is. Understanding that her dad is totally hopeless and don't want to let her dad down, before others she prepared that sheet and gave to me. The lump in my throat started getting bigger and my heart became heavy. I caressed her hair. What a beautiful smile she has and such big eyes. Does she miss a wing to get qualified as an angel? I have never admired my daughter or even watched her in all these years. She has that cute dimple of Meera's as well as her eyes. Does that curling lip edges when she smiles, is mine? How I missed all this in my life.
Achala pulled me to the stalls there and I got some eatables and ballons for her and zakir.. She kept talking about the next game and suddenly my mobile rang. Oops!! Is it already 10am. I looked at Acchu . Suddenly her face became dark. She looked totally upset and asked in an low voice 'Daddy! You have to leave now?'
I looked at my mobile. My manager was calling. It's already 10am. I looked at Acchu. I looked around. All those happy kids with their fathers. I thought about my school days, where my dad used to come for all sports day, annual day, sit with me, cheer me up. Every day morning, while dropping me to school, he will wait near the gate until my head disappear. Evening, he will come & pick me up in his cycle, and I will be telling him all the stories that happened that day in school.
I saw Acchu. How many untold stories my daughter has kept in her heart to say me? I thought about all those days, where I yearned for a girl child and I wonder, how much of my time I gave her.
I pulled her closer, gave a kiss on her fore head 'No Honey! I am not going. I will be here only...we will attend all games and roam around whole day.ok?'
'Really?' - She asked in an unbelievable tone.
'Yes sweetz'
'Thank you Daddy!' - Achala kissed my cheeks and ran to her friends. School teaches you something or the other always. This time, 'back to school' has taught me a wonderful life's lesson. I called my
manager & told that am running high fever and can't come in today. I know, I can handle things tomorrow. Today my daughter needs me more than anyone can need me in this world. With a lighter heart, I got up; ran towards Acchu, lifted her and gave her a big swing. She erupted into an uncontrollable laughter. The lump in my throat started melting away.
Source: Email forward
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
മനസ്സ് പ്രക്ഷുബ്ധമാണ്..
പണ്ടൊക്കെ എന്ത് സുഖമായിരുന്നു...
ഓര്മ്മകള്, അവ ഞാനൊന്ന് അയവിറക്കുന്നു..
ചം, ചം, ചം..
"ഹായ് മനു, ആര് യൂ മാരീഡ്?"
"നോ, നോ, ഐയാം എ ബാച്ചി"
"ബാച്ചി?"
"യെസ്സ്, ബാച്ചി"
മച്ചി, കൊച്ചി, പിച്ചി എന്നൊക്കെ പറയുന്ന പോലെ ബാച്ചി!!!
പറയാനും, കേള്ക്കാനും ഇമ്പമുള്ള വാക്ക്.
ഓഫീസില് ചെല്ലുമ്പോള് ബോസ്സ് 'എന്താടാന്ന്' ചോദിച്ചാല് 'നീ പോടാന്ന്' പറയാനുള്ള ചങ്കൂറ്റം, ഇനി ഇവിടെ ജോലി ചെയ്യേണ്ടാന്ന് എച്ച്.ആര് പറഞ്ഞാല്, 'ചുവന്ന നൈലോണ് സാരിയില് നിങ്ങള് സുന്ദരിയാണെന്ന്' സൂചിപ്പിക്കാനുള്ള മഹാമനസ്ക്കത, ഇത്രേം ശമ്പളമേ തരൂന്ന് കമ്പനി പ്രഖ്യാപിച്ചാല് 'ഐ ഡോണ്ട് ലൈക്ക് ദിസ്സ് ഡേര്ട്ടി കമ്പനി' എന്ന് വിളിച്ച് കൂവാനുള്ള ആര്ജ്ജവം, എന്നിങ്ങനെ എണ്ണപ്പെട്ട കഴിവുകള് ഈ ബാച്ചി ലൈഫില് എന്നോടൊപ്പമുണ്ടായിരുന്നു.
പക്ഷേ കല്യാണം കഴിഞ്ഞതോടെ എല്ലാം കീഴ്മേല് മറിഞ്ഞു...
ജോലി ഉണ്ടായിട്ട് വക വയ്ക്കാത്തവര് (ഭാര്യയല്ല!), ജോലി ഇല്ലെങ്കില് എങ്ങനെ ട്രീറ്റ് ചെയ്യും എന്നത് മനോമുകുരത്തില് മൊട്ടായി വിരിഞ്ഞപ്പോള് ഞാന് ഒന്ന് തീരുമാനിച്ചു, ഓഫീസില് ഇനി ഞാന് ഒരു മര്യാദരാമന് ആയിരിക്കും.അങ്ങനെ ഞാന് ഒരു പുതിയ ജീവിതം ആരംഭിച്ചു, അതോടെ എന്റെ ദിവസങ്ങള് തിരക്ക് പിടിച്ചതായി തുടങ്ങി.
എന്നും രാവിലെ സഹധര്മ്മിണിയുടെ ആവലാതികള്..
"ചേട്ടാ, ഉപ്പില്ല, മുളകില്ല, പാലില്ല, തൈരില്ല...."
വൈകിട്ട് കൊണ്ട് വരാമേ!!!!
ഓഫീസില് പ്രോജക്റ്റ് മാനേജരുടെ അന്വേഷണങ്ങള്..
"ഡോക്കുമെന്റ് എവിടെ? കോഡ് എവിടെ? ആപ്ലിക്കേഷന് എവിടെ?"
ഇപ്പോ തയാറാക്കാമേ!!!!
ഇടക്കിടെ എച്ച്. ആര് (കമ്പനിയിലെ ഏറ്റവും സുന്ദരി) വരും..
കുണുങ്ങി കുണുങ്ങിയുള്ള വരവ് കാണുമ്പോള് ഊഹിച്ചോണം, ഇട്ടിരിക്കുന്നത് പുതിയ ഡ്രസ്സാ.അതിനെ പറ്റിയുള്ള അഭിപ്രായം അറിയാനുള്ള വരവാ.നമ്മളായിട്ട് എന്തിനാ കുറക്കുന്നത്, വെറുതെ വച്ച് കാച്ചി:
"മേഡം, ഈ ഡ്രസ്സില് സുന്ദരി ആയിരിക്കുന്നു"
അവരൊന്ന് വെളുക്കെ ചിരിച്ചു, എന്നിട്ട് പരിഭവത്തോടെ ചോദിച്ചു:
"എന്താ മനു, ഈ ഡ്രസ്സിടുമ്പോള് മാത്രമാണോ ഞാന് സുന്ദരി ആയത്?"
'അയ്യോ അല്ലേ, ഡ്രസ്സൊന്നും ഇട്ടില്ലെങ്കിലും മാഡം സുന്ദരിയാണേ' എന്ന് പറയാന് വന്നത് മനപൂര്വ്വം വിഴുങ്ങി, പകരം ഒരു ചിരി ചിരിച്ചു, നാക്ക് വച്ച് ചുണ്ടൊന്ന് നനച്ചു(വെറുതെ!), അത്രമാത്രം.
വൈകിട്ട് വീട്ടിലെത്തി സഹധര്മ്മിണിയോട് ഈ തമാശ ഉണര്ത്തിച്ചു, എല്ലാം കേട്ടപ്പോള് അവളും പൊട്ടിച്ചിരിച്ചു.തുടര്ന്ന് കിരണ് ടീവി ഓണ് ചെയ്തു കൊണ്ട് ഊണ് കഴിക്കാന് ഇരുന്നു.വിഷമങ്ങള് മറന്ന് പൊട്ടിച്ചിരിക്കാന് താഹ ഒരുക്കിയ മലയാളം പടം..
ഈ പറക്കും തളിക!!
ദിലീപിന്റെയും ഹരിശ്രീ അശോകന്റെയും തമാശകള് കണ്ട്കൊണ്ട്, മാമ്പഴപുളിശ്ശേരിയും, കടുമാങ്ങായും കൂട്ടി കുഴച്ച് വലിയൊരു ഉരുള വായിലേക്ക് വച്ചപ്പോള് സഹധര്മ്മിണി ചോദിച്ചു:
"എച്ച്. ആറിലെ ആ പെണ്ണ് അത്ര സുന്ദരിയാണോ?"
ഗ്ലും!!!!
ഉരുള അറിയാതെ വിഴുങ്ങി പോയി!!!
കര്ത്താവേ, പണിയായോ??
"ആണോ ചേട്ടാ, സുന്ദരിയാണോ?"
ആയി, പണിയായി!!!
ശെടാ, ഒന്നും വേണ്ടായിരുന്നു.
ഒടുവില് അവള്ക്ക് സമാധാനമാകട്ടെ എന്ന് കരുതി പറഞ്ഞു:
"ഹേയ്, ഇന്ന് ആ ഡ്രസ്സില് കൊള്ളാമെന്ന് തോന്നി, അതാ പറഞ്ഞത്"
ഇത് കേട്ടതും വാമഭാഗത്തിന്റെ മുഖമിരുണ്ടു.
"ഹും! ഞാന് എത്രയോ പുതിയ ഡ്രസ്സിട്ടിരിക്കുന്നു.അന്നൊന്
ഹാവു, പൂര്ത്തിയായി!!
എന്താണാവോ ഈ സന്ദര്ഭത്തിനു ചേര്ന്ന പഴംചൊല്ല്..
മോങ്ങാനിരുന്ന നായുടെ തലയില് തേങ്ങാ വീണെന്നോ??
അതോ നായരു പിടിച്ച പുലി വാലെന്നോ??
എന്തായാലും ഭേഷായി!!
എന്തൊക്കെയോ വിളിച്ച് കൂവി കൊണ്ട് അവള് അടുക്കളയിലേക്ക് കയറി.ഏതൊക്കെയോ പാത്രങ്ങള് താഴെ വീഴുന്ന ശബ്ദം, നാലഞ്ച് പ്ലേറ്റുകള് അന്തരീക്ഷത്തിലൂടെ പറന്നു പോയി.സംഭവവികാസങ്ങളെ കുറിച്ച് അറിയാതെ ആ മുഹൂര്ത്തത്തില് വീട്ടിലേക്ക് കടന്ന് വന്ന അളിയന് ഒന്ന് അമ്പരന്നു, എന്നിട്ട് അന്തം വിട്ട് ചോദിച്ചു:
"എന്താദ്?"
അതിനു മറുപടി എണ്ണായിരം രൂപ കൊടുത്ത് ഞാന് വാങ്ങിയ ടീവിയുടെ വക ആയിരുന്നു..
"പറക്കും തളിക..
ഇത് മനുഷ്യരെ കറക്കും തളിക.."
അത് കേട്ടിട്ടും മനസിലാവാത്ത അളിയന് വീണ്ടും തിരക്കി::
"എന്താ ചേട്ടാ കാര്യം?"
"ഒരു ബാച്ചിയല്ലാത്ത ഞാനൊരു തമാശ കാച്ചി, അത് കേട്ട് അവളെന്നെ കീച്ചി"
"എന്ത് തമാശ?"
ഛേ, ഛേ, അതൊരു വൃത്തികെട്ട തമാശയാ, അളിയന് കേള്ക്കേണ്ടാ!!
ഇതാണ് ജീവിതം.
കൊച്ചു കൊച്ചു ടെന്ഷനുകളുമായി എന്നും ഒരോ പുകിലുകള്.മനസാ വാചാ അറിയാത്ത കാര്യങ്ങള് പാമ്പായി എന്നെ കൊത്തി തുടങ്ങി.വന്ന് വന്ന് എല്ലാത്തിലും ടെന്ഷനായി.അങ്ങനെ വിഷമിച്ചിരിക്കെ സഹപ്രവര്ത്തകയായ ശാലിനി എന്റെ അരികില് വന്നു..
"എന്താ മനു, എന്ത് പറ്റി?"
ഒട്ടും കുറച്ചില്ല, ഇച്ഛിരി കട്ടിക്ക് പറഞ്ഞു:
"മനസ്സ് പ്രക്ഷുബ്ധമാണ് ശാലിനി"
അര്ത്ഥം മനസിലായില്ലെങ്കിലും, ഞാന് ടെന്ഷനിലാണെന്ന് അവള്ക്ക് മനസിലായി.അവള് എന്നെ ഉപദേശിച്ചു:
"മനു യോഗക്ക് പോ, മനസ്സ് ശാന്തമാകും, മാത്രമല്ല നല്ല കണ്ട്രോളും കിട്ടും"
ഓഹോ, എന്നാ അതൊന്ന് പരീക്ഷിച്ചിട്ട് തന്നെ!!
അങ്ങനെ ശാലിനി സ്ഥിരമായി യോഗ ചെയ്യുന്നിടത്ത് എന്നെയും കൂട്ടി കൊണ്ട് പോയി.അവിടെ ശാലിനിയെ കൂടാതെ എന്റെ ഓഫീസിലെ കുറേ ലലനാമണികളും, സുന്ദരകുട്ടപ്പന്മാരും ഉണ്ട് എന്നത് എനിക്ക് കൂടുതല് സന്തോഷം പകര്ന്നു.
യോഗ പഠിപ്പിക്കുന്ന രവീന്ദ്രന്മാഷ് ആഗതനായി.
ശാലിനി എന്നെ അദ്ദേഹത്തിനു പരിചയപ്പെടുത്തിയപ്പോള് മാഷ് ചോദിച്ചു:
"ആസനം വല്ലതും അറിയാമോ?"
അയ്യേ!!!
എന്ത് വൃത്തികെട്ട ചോദ്യം!!!!
ശാലിനിയുടെ മുമ്പില് വച്ച് എന്ത് മറുപടി നല്കുമെന്ന് കരുതി തല താഴ്ത്തി നിന്നപ്പോള് അദ്ദേഹം വീണ്ടും ചോദിച്ചു:
"പറയൂ, ആസനം വല്ലതും പരിചയമുണ്ടോ?"
"അത് ഓഫീസില് കൂടെ ജോലി ചെയ്യുന്നവരുടെ എല്ലാം മുഖം പരിചയമുണ്ട്, പക്ഷേ...."
"പക്ഷേ....?"
"ആസനം ഒന്നും പരിചയമില്ല"
ഠോ!!!
രവീന്ദ്രന് മാഷിന്റെ തലക്കകത്ത് ഒരു കതിന പൊട്ടി!!!
അദ്ദേഹത്തിനു എന്നെ കുറിച്ച് നല്ല മതിപ്പായെന്ന് തോന്നുന്നു.
അന്ന് അവിടുന്ന് ഇറങ്ങിയപ്പോള് ശാലിനി എന്നോട് പറഞ്ഞു:
"സാറ് ആസനം എന്ന് പറയുന്നത് ക്രിയക്കാ"
"എന്ത് ക്രിയക്ക്?"
"യോഗയിലെ ഒരോ മുറകള്ക്ക്"
"ഓഹോ, അപ്പോള് ശരിക്കുള്ള ആസനത്തിനു ഇങ്ങേര് എന്തോന്നാ പറയുന്നത്?"
ഇക്കുറി കതിന പൊട്ടിയത് ശാലിനിയുടെ തലക്കകത്താ!!
പാവം കൊച്ച്..
ഓര്മ്മകള്, അവ ഞാനൊന്ന് അയവിറക്കുന്നു..
ചം, ചം, ചം..
"ഹായ് മനു, ആര് യൂ മാരീഡ്?"
"നോ, നോ, ഐയാം എ ബാച്ചി"
"ബാച്ചി?"
"യെസ്സ്, ബാച്ചി"
മച്ചി, കൊച്ചി, പിച്ചി എന്നൊക്കെ പറയുന്ന പോലെ ബാച്ചി!!!
പറയാനും, കേള്ക്കാനും ഇമ്പമുള്ള വാക്ക്.
ഓഫീസില് ചെല്ലുമ്പോള് ബോസ്സ് 'എന്താടാന്ന്' ചോദിച്ചാല് 'നീ പോടാന്ന്' പറയാനുള്ള ചങ്കൂറ്റം, ഇനി ഇവിടെ ജോലി ചെയ്യേണ്ടാന്ന് എച്ച്.ആര് പറഞ്ഞാല്, 'ചുവന്ന നൈലോണ് സാരിയില് നിങ്ങള് സുന്ദരിയാണെന്ന്' സൂചിപ്പിക്കാനുള്ള മഹാമനസ്ക്കത, ഇത്രേം ശമ്പളമേ തരൂന്ന് കമ്പനി പ്രഖ്യാപിച്ചാല് 'ഐ ഡോണ്ട് ലൈക്ക് ദിസ്സ് ഡേര്ട്ടി കമ്പനി' എന്ന് വിളിച്ച് കൂവാനുള്ള ആര്ജ്ജവം, എന്നിങ്ങനെ എണ്ണപ്പെട്ട കഴിവുകള് ഈ ബാച്ചി ലൈഫില് എന്നോടൊപ്പമുണ്ടായിരുന്നു.
പക്ഷേ കല്യാണം കഴിഞ്ഞതോടെ എല്ലാം കീഴ്മേല് മറിഞ്ഞു...
ജോലി ഉണ്ടായിട്ട് വക വയ്ക്കാത്തവര് (ഭാര്യയല്ല!), ജോലി ഇല്ലെങ്കില് എങ്ങനെ ട്രീറ്റ് ചെയ്യും എന്നത് മനോമുകുരത്തില് മൊട്ടായി വിരിഞ്ഞപ്പോള് ഞാന് ഒന്ന് തീരുമാനിച്ചു, ഓഫീസില് ഇനി ഞാന് ഒരു മര്യാദരാമന് ആയിരിക്കും.അങ്ങനെ ഞാന് ഒരു പുതിയ ജീവിതം ആരംഭിച്ചു, അതോടെ എന്റെ ദിവസങ്ങള് തിരക്ക് പിടിച്ചതായി തുടങ്ങി.
എന്നും രാവിലെ സഹധര്മ്മിണിയുടെ ആവലാതികള്..
"ചേട്ടാ, ഉപ്പില്ല, മുളകില്ല, പാലില്ല, തൈരില്ല...."
വൈകിട്ട് കൊണ്ട് വരാമേ!!!!
ഓഫീസില് പ്രോജക്റ്റ് മാനേജരുടെ അന്വേഷണങ്ങള്..
"ഡോക്കുമെന്റ് എവിടെ? കോഡ് എവിടെ? ആപ്ലിക്കേഷന് എവിടെ?"
ഇപ്പോ തയാറാക്കാമേ!!!!
ഇടക്കിടെ എച്ച്. ആര് (കമ്പനിയിലെ ഏറ്റവും സുന്ദരി) വരും..
കുണുങ്ങി കുണുങ്ങിയുള്ള വരവ് കാണുമ്പോള് ഊഹിച്ചോണം, ഇട്ടിരിക്കുന്നത് പുതിയ ഡ്രസ്സാ.അതിനെ പറ്റിയുള്ള അഭിപ്രായം അറിയാനുള്ള വരവാ.നമ്മളായിട്ട് എന്തിനാ കുറക്കുന്നത്, വെറുതെ വച്ച് കാച്ചി:
"മേഡം, ഈ ഡ്രസ്സില് സുന്ദരി ആയിരിക്കുന്നു"
അവരൊന്ന് വെളുക്കെ ചിരിച്ചു, എന്നിട്ട് പരിഭവത്തോടെ ചോദിച്ചു:
"എന്താ മനു, ഈ ഡ്രസ്സിടുമ്പോള് മാത്രമാണോ ഞാന് സുന്ദരി ആയത്?"
'അയ്യോ അല്ലേ, ഡ്രസ്സൊന്നും ഇട്ടില്ലെങ്കിലും മാഡം സുന്ദരിയാണേ' എന്ന് പറയാന് വന്നത് മനപൂര്വ്വം വിഴുങ്ങി, പകരം ഒരു ചിരി ചിരിച്ചു, നാക്ക് വച്ച് ചുണ്ടൊന്ന് നനച്ചു(വെറുതെ!), അത്രമാത്രം.
വൈകിട്ട് വീട്ടിലെത്തി സഹധര്മ്മിണിയോട് ഈ തമാശ ഉണര്ത്തിച്ചു, എല്ലാം കേട്ടപ്പോള് അവളും പൊട്ടിച്ചിരിച്ചു.തുടര്ന്ന് കിരണ് ടീവി ഓണ് ചെയ്തു കൊണ്ട് ഊണ് കഴിക്കാന് ഇരുന്നു.വിഷമങ്ങള് മറന്ന് പൊട്ടിച്ചിരിക്കാന് താഹ ഒരുക്കിയ മലയാളം പടം..
ഈ പറക്കും തളിക!!
ദിലീപിന്റെയും ഹരിശ്രീ അശോകന്റെയും തമാശകള് കണ്ട്കൊണ്ട്, മാമ്പഴപുളിശ്ശേരിയും, കടുമാങ്ങായും കൂട്ടി കുഴച്ച് വലിയൊരു ഉരുള വായിലേക്ക് വച്ചപ്പോള് സഹധര്മ്മിണി ചോദിച്ചു:
"എച്ച്. ആറിലെ ആ പെണ്ണ് അത്ര സുന്ദരിയാണോ?"
ഗ്ലും!!!!
ഉരുള അറിയാതെ വിഴുങ്ങി പോയി!!!
കര്ത്താവേ, പണിയായോ??
"ആണോ ചേട്ടാ, സുന്ദരിയാണോ?"
ആയി, പണിയായി!!!
ശെടാ, ഒന്നും വേണ്ടായിരുന്നു.
ഒടുവില് അവള്ക്ക് സമാധാനമാകട്ടെ എന്ന് കരുതി പറഞ്ഞു:
"ഹേയ്, ഇന്ന് ആ ഡ്രസ്സില് കൊള്ളാമെന്ന് തോന്നി, അതാ പറഞ്ഞത്"
ഇത് കേട്ടതും വാമഭാഗത്തിന്റെ മുഖമിരുണ്ടു.
"ഹും! ഞാന് എത്രയോ പുതിയ ഡ്രസ്സിട്ടിരിക്കുന്നു.അന്നൊന്
ഹാവു, പൂര്ത്തിയായി!!
എന്താണാവോ ഈ സന്ദര്ഭത്തിനു ചേര്ന്ന പഴംചൊല്ല്..
മോങ്ങാനിരുന്ന നായുടെ തലയില് തേങ്ങാ വീണെന്നോ??
അതോ നായരു പിടിച്ച പുലി വാലെന്നോ??
എന്തായാലും ഭേഷായി!!
എന്തൊക്കെയോ വിളിച്ച് കൂവി കൊണ്ട് അവള് അടുക്കളയിലേക്ക് കയറി.ഏതൊക്കെയോ പാത്രങ്ങള് താഴെ വീഴുന്ന ശബ്ദം, നാലഞ്ച് പ്ലേറ്റുകള് അന്തരീക്ഷത്തിലൂടെ പറന്നു പോയി.സംഭവവികാസങ്ങളെ കുറിച്ച് അറിയാതെ ആ മുഹൂര്ത്തത്തില് വീട്ടിലേക്ക് കടന്ന് വന്ന അളിയന് ഒന്ന് അമ്പരന്നു, എന്നിട്ട് അന്തം വിട്ട് ചോദിച്ചു:
"എന്താദ്?"
അതിനു മറുപടി എണ്ണായിരം രൂപ കൊടുത്ത് ഞാന് വാങ്ങിയ ടീവിയുടെ വക ആയിരുന്നു..
"പറക്കും തളിക..
ഇത് മനുഷ്യരെ കറക്കും തളിക.."
അത് കേട്ടിട്ടും മനസിലാവാത്ത അളിയന് വീണ്ടും തിരക്കി::
"എന്താ ചേട്ടാ കാര്യം?"
"ഒരു ബാച്ചിയല്ലാത്ത ഞാനൊരു തമാശ കാച്ചി, അത് കേട്ട് അവളെന്നെ കീച്ചി"
"എന്ത് തമാശ?"
ഛേ, ഛേ, അതൊരു വൃത്തികെട്ട തമാശയാ, അളിയന് കേള്ക്കേണ്ടാ!!
ഇതാണ് ജീവിതം.
കൊച്ചു കൊച്ചു ടെന്ഷനുകളുമായി എന്നും ഒരോ പുകിലുകള്.മനസാ വാചാ അറിയാത്ത കാര്യങ്ങള് പാമ്പായി എന്നെ കൊത്തി തുടങ്ങി.വന്ന് വന്ന് എല്ലാത്തിലും ടെന്ഷനായി.അങ്ങനെ വിഷമിച്ചിരിക്കെ സഹപ്രവര്ത്തകയായ ശാലിനി എന്റെ അരികില് വന്നു..
"എന്താ മനു, എന്ത് പറ്റി?"
ഒട്ടും കുറച്ചില്ല, ഇച്ഛിരി കട്ടിക്ക് പറഞ്ഞു:
"മനസ്സ് പ്രക്ഷുബ്ധമാണ് ശാലിനി"
അര്ത്ഥം മനസിലായില്ലെങ്കിലും, ഞാന് ടെന്ഷനിലാണെന്ന് അവള്ക്ക് മനസിലായി.അവള് എന്നെ ഉപദേശിച്ചു:
"മനു യോഗക്ക് പോ, മനസ്സ് ശാന്തമാകും, മാത്രമല്ല നല്ല കണ്ട്രോളും കിട്ടും"
ഓഹോ, എന്നാ അതൊന്ന് പരീക്ഷിച്ചിട്ട് തന്നെ!!
അങ്ങനെ ശാലിനി സ്ഥിരമായി യോഗ ചെയ്യുന്നിടത്ത് എന്നെയും കൂട്ടി കൊണ്ട് പോയി.അവിടെ ശാലിനിയെ കൂടാതെ എന്റെ ഓഫീസിലെ കുറേ ലലനാമണികളും, സുന്ദരകുട്ടപ്പന്മാരും ഉണ്ട് എന്നത് എനിക്ക് കൂടുതല് സന്തോഷം പകര്ന്നു.
യോഗ പഠിപ്പിക്കുന്ന രവീന്ദ്രന്മാഷ് ആഗതനായി.
ശാലിനി എന്നെ അദ്ദേഹത്തിനു പരിചയപ്പെടുത്തിയപ്പോള് മാഷ് ചോദിച്ചു:
"ആസനം വല്ലതും അറിയാമോ?"
അയ്യേ!!!
എന്ത് വൃത്തികെട്ട ചോദ്യം!!!!
ശാലിനിയുടെ മുമ്പില് വച്ച് എന്ത് മറുപടി നല്കുമെന്ന് കരുതി തല താഴ്ത്തി നിന്നപ്പോള് അദ്ദേഹം വീണ്ടും ചോദിച്ചു:
"പറയൂ, ആസനം വല്ലതും പരിചയമുണ്ടോ?"
"അത് ഓഫീസില് കൂടെ ജോലി ചെയ്യുന്നവരുടെ എല്ലാം മുഖം പരിചയമുണ്ട്, പക്ഷേ...."
"പക്ഷേ....?"
"ആസനം ഒന്നും പരിചയമില്ല"
ഠോ!!!
രവീന്ദ്രന് മാഷിന്റെ തലക്കകത്ത് ഒരു കതിന പൊട്ടി!!!
അദ്ദേഹത്തിനു എന്നെ കുറിച്ച് നല്ല മതിപ്പായെന്ന് തോന്നുന്നു.
അന്ന് അവിടുന്ന് ഇറങ്ങിയപ്പോള് ശാലിനി എന്നോട് പറഞ്ഞു:
"സാറ് ആസനം എന്ന് പറയുന്നത് ക്രിയക്കാ"
"എന്ത് ക്രിയക്ക്?"
"യോഗയിലെ ഒരോ മുറകള്ക്ക്"
"ഓഹോ, അപ്പോള് ശരിക്കുള്ള ആസനത്തിനു ഇങ്ങേര് എന്തോന്നാ പറയുന്നത്?"
ഇക്കുറി കതിന പൊട്ടിയത് ശാലിനിയുടെ തലക്കകത്താ!!
പാവം കൊച്ച്..
എന്റെ ബുദ്ധിപരമായ ചോദ്യത്തിനു അവള്ക്ക് മറുപടിയില്ല!!
അല്ലേലും ഞാന് പണ്ടേ ഇങ്ങനാ, എന്റെ സംശയങ്ങള് ആരുടെയും വാ അടപ്പിക്കും.
യോഗാഭ്യാസത്തിന്റെ ആദ്യദിനങ്ങള്...
രവീന്ദ്രന് മാഷ് ക്രീയകള് ഒരോന്ന് കാണിച്ച് തന്നു തുടങ്ങി..
നല്ല പെടപ്പ് സാധനങ്ങള്, ഒരോന്നിനും വെടിക്കെട്ട് പേരുകളും, ഒട്ടും സഹിക്കാന് പറ്റാതെ പോയത് അവയുടെ ഗുണങ്ങള് വിവരിച്ചതാണ്.
"ഇത് പവനമുക്താസനം, മലശോധന മെച്ചപ്പെടാന് ഗംഭീരം"
"ഇതാണ് മല്സ്യാസനം, ആര്ത്തവ പ്രശ്നങ്ങള് പരിഹരിക്കും"
"ഇപ്പോ കാണുന്നത് ധനുരാസനം, പൃഷ്ഠത്തിലെ പേശികള്ക്ക് നല്ല വ്യായാമം തരും"
അല്ലേലും ഞാന് പണ്ടേ ഇങ്ങനാ, എന്റെ സംശയങ്ങള് ആരുടെയും വാ അടപ്പിക്കും.
യോഗാഭ്യാസത്തിന്റെ ആദ്യദിനങ്ങള്...
രവീന്ദ്രന് മാഷ് ക്രീയകള് ഒരോന്ന് കാണിച്ച് തന്നു തുടങ്ങി..
നല്ല പെടപ്പ് സാധനങ്ങള്, ഒരോന്നിനും വെടിക്കെട്ട് പേരുകളും, ഒട്ടും സഹിക്കാന് പറ്റാതെ പോയത് അവയുടെ ഗുണങ്ങള് വിവരിച്ചതാണ്.
"ഇത് പവനമുക്താസനം, മലശോധന മെച്ചപ്പെടാന് ഗംഭീരം"
"ഇതാണ് മല്സ്യാസനം, ആര്ത്തവ പ്രശ്നങ്ങള് പരിഹരിക്കും"
"ഇപ്പോ കാണുന്നത് ധനുരാസനം, പൃഷ്ഠത്തിലെ പേശികള്ക്ക് നല്ല വ്യായാമം തരും"
മേല് സൂചിപ്പിച്ചതൊന്നും എന്നെ ബാധിക്കുന്നത് അല്ലാത്തതിനാലും, മേലനങ്ങി പണി എടുക്കുന്നത് പണ്ടേ ഇഷ്ടമല്ലാത്തതിനാലും ഞാന് സത്യം ബോധിപ്പിച്ചു:
"അട്ട ചുരുളുന്ന പോലെ ഉള്ളതല്ലാതെ വേറെ ഒന്നും ഇല്ലേ?"
"അട്ട ചുരുളുന്ന പോലെ ഉള്ളതല്ലാതെ വേറെ ഒന്നും ഇല്ലേ?"
അതിനു മറുപടിയായി മലര്ന്ന് കിടന്ന് അദ്ദേഹം മൊഴിഞ്ഞു
:
"ഇത് തനിക്ക് പറ്റിയതാ, ശവാസനം"
ശവം!!!
:
"ഇത് തനിക്ക് പറ്റിയതാ, ശവാസനം"
ശവം!!!
വെളുപ്പാന് കാലത്ത് സ്വന്തം ബഡ്റൂമില് കിടന്നുറങ്ങേണ്ട ഞാന്, മാസം അഞ്ഞൂറ് രൂപ ഫീസു കൊടുത്ത് രവീന്ദ്രന് മാഷിന്റെ യോഗക്ലാസില് പോയി ശവാസനം ചെയ്യാന് തുടങ്ങി.അഞ്ഞൂറ് രൂപ പോയെങ്കിലെന്താ മനസ്സ് ശാന്തമായി.വിവരം അറിഞ്ഞപ്പോള് അപ്പച്ചിയുടെ മോള് ഗായത്രിയോട് ചോദിച്ചു:
"മനുവിന്റെ ടെന്ഷന് ഒക്കെ മാറിയോ?"
"ഉം. യോഗ ചെയ്തതില് പിന്നാ"
അതോടെ ചേച്ചിയുടെ ചോദ്യം എന്റെ നേരെയായി:
"മനു, ഇവിടുത്തെ ചേട്ടനു അവിടൊരു അഡ്മിഷന് ശരിയാക്കാമോ?"
അഞ്ഞൂറ് രൂപ കൊടുത്ത് ശവാസനം ചെയ്യാന് ഒരാള് കൂടി!!
ചേച്ചിയെ നിരാശപ്പെടുത്താനായി പറഞ്ഞു:
"എന്റെ കൂടെ ജോലി ചെയ്യുന്ന ശാലിനിയാ അവിടെ എനിക്ക് അഡ്മിഷന് ശരിയാക്കിയത്, അവളോട് ചോദിച്ച് നോക്കട്ടെ, ഉറപ്പില്ല"
"ശരി, അത് മതി"
"മനുവിന്റെ ടെന്ഷന് ഒക്കെ മാറിയോ?"
"ഉം. യോഗ ചെയ്തതില് പിന്നാ"
അതോടെ ചേച്ചിയുടെ ചോദ്യം എന്റെ നേരെയായി:
"മനു, ഇവിടുത്തെ ചേട്ടനു അവിടൊരു അഡ്മിഷന് ശരിയാക്കാമോ?"
അഞ്ഞൂറ് രൂപ കൊടുത്ത് ശവാസനം ചെയ്യാന് ഒരാള് കൂടി!!
ചേച്ചിയെ നിരാശപ്പെടുത്താനായി പറഞ്ഞു:
"എന്റെ കൂടെ ജോലി ചെയ്യുന്ന ശാലിനിയാ അവിടെ എനിക്ക് അഡ്മിഷന് ശരിയാക്കിയത്, അവളോട് ചോദിച്ച് നോക്കട്ടെ, ഉറപ്പില്ല"
"ശരി, അത് മതി"
ചേച്ചി പോയപ്പോള് ഗായത്രി അരികിലെത്തി:
"ആരാ ഈ ശാലിനി?"
ഈശ്വരാ!!!!!
പുലിവാലായോ?? തേങ്ങാ വീണോ??
"അത് കൂടെ ജോലി ചെയ്യുന്ന പെണ്ണാ" അലക്ഷ്യമായ മറുപടി.
"അവടെ കൂടാണോ ഇത്ര നാളും യോഗക്ക് പോയത്?" ഒരു ക്ലാരിഫിക്കേഷന് ചോദ്ദ്യം.
യെസ്സ് ഓര് നോ?? എന്തോ പറയും??
സത്യം ദുഃഖമാണുണ്ണി, കള്ളമല്ലോ സുഖപ്രദം!!
"ഹേയ് അല്ല, ശാലിനി യോഗ ചെയ്യില്ല"
"ആരാ ഈ ശാലിനി?"
ഈശ്വരാ!!!!!
പുലിവാലായോ?? തേങ്ങാ വീണോ??
"അത് കൂടെ ജോലി ചെയ്യുന്ന പെണ്ണാ" അലക്ഷ്യമായ മറുപടി.
"അവടെ കൂടാണോ ഇത്ര നാളും യോഗക്ക് പോയത്?" ഒരു ക്ലാരിഫിക്കേഷന് ചോദ്ദ്യം.
യെസ്സ് ഓര് നോ?? എന്തോ പറയും??
സത്യം ദുഃഖമാണുണ്ണി, കള്ളമല്ലോ സുഖപ്രദം!!
"ഹേയ് അല്ല, ശാലിനി യോഗ ചെയ്യില്ല"
Source: Email forward
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
The Uniform Server
Very useful tool to test php / mysql based web application. no need to install, configure apache, php and mysql
The Uniform Server is a WAMP package that allows you to run a server on any MS Windows OS based computer. It is small and mobile to download or move around and can also be used or setup as a production/live server. Developers also use The Uniform Server to test their applications made with either PHP, MySQL, Perl, or the Apache HTTPd Server.
http://www.uniformserver.com/
The Uniform Server is a WAMP package that allows you to run a server on any MS Windows OS based computer. It is small and mobile to download or move around and can also be used or setup as a production/live server. Developers also use The Uniform Server to test their applications made with either PHP, MySQL, Perl, or the Apache HTTPd Server.
http://www.uniformserver.com/
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Better way to express things
A blind boy sat on the steps of a building with a hat by his feet. He held up a sign which said: "I am blind, please help." There were only a few coins in the hat.
A man was walking by. He took a few coins from his pocket and dropped them into the hat. He then took the sign, turned it around, and wrote some words. He put the sign back so that everyone who walked by would see the new words.
Soon the hat began to fill up. A lot more people were giving money to the blind boy. That afternoon the man who had changed the sign came to see how things were. The boy recognized his footsteps and asked, "Were you the one who changed my sign this morning? What did you write?"
The man said, "I only wrote the truth. I said what you said but in a different way."
I wrote: "Today is a beautiful day but I cannot see it."
Both signs told people that the boy was blind. But the first sign simply said the boy was blind. The second sign told people that they were so lucky that they were not blind. Should we be surprised that the second sign was more effective?
Source: Email forwards
A man was walking by. He took a few coins from his pocket and dropped them into the hat. He then took the sign, turned it around, and wrote some words. He put the sign back so that everyone who walked by would see the new words.
Soon the hat began to fill up. A lot more people were giving money to the blind boy. That afternoon the man who had changed the sign came to see how things were. The boy recognized his footsteps and asked, "Were you the one who changed my sign this morning? What did you write?"
The man said, "I only wrote the truth. I said what you said but in a different way."
I wrote: "Today is a beautiful day but I cannot see it."
Both signs told people that the boy was blind. But the first sign simply said the boy was blind. The second sign told people that they were so lucky that they were not blind. Should we be surprised that the second sign was more effective?
Source: Email forwards
Friday, June 25, 2010
Jokes: Why she undergo a operation instead ?
A 45 -yr. old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience.
Seeing God she asked "Is my time up?"
God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."
Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital to have a face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and change her hair colour and brighten her teeth!
Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.
After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.
Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days
Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?"
God : "didn't recognize you at that time"
Source: Email forward
Seeing God she asked "Is my time up?"
God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."
Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital to have a face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and change her hair colour and brighten her teeth!
Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.
After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.
Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days
Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?"
God : "didn't recognize you at that time"
Source: Email forward
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Jokes: The Perfect Husband...
Several men are in the changing room of a golf club. A mobile phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and began to talk.
Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Darling, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes"
WOMAN: "I am at the shopping centre and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only £1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure,..go ahead if you like it that much."
WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2005 models. I saw one I really liked."
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "£70,000"
MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing ... The house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking £950,000"
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of 900,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50 thousand. It really is a pretty good price."
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!!"
MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."
The man hangs up. The other men in the changing room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape.....
He smiles and asks: "Anyone knows who this phone belongs to?"
Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Darling, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes"
WOMAN: "I am at the shopping centre and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only £1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure,..go ahead if you like it that much."
WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2005 models. I saw one I really liked."
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "£70,000"
MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing ... The house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking £950,000"
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of 900,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50 thousand. It really is a pretty good price."
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!!"
MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."
The man hangs up. The other men in the changing room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape.....
He smiles and asks: "Anyone knows who this phone belongs to?"
Jokes
TEACHER : What is the chemical formula for water?
PAPPU : "HIJKLMNO! "!!
TEACHER : What are you talking about?
PAPPU : Yesterday you said it's H to O !
TEACHER : PAPPU, go to the map and find North America.
PAPPU : Here it is!
TEACHER : Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS : PAPPU!
TEACHER : PAPPU, how do you spell "crocodile"?
PAPPU : "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
TEACHER : No, that's wrong
PAPPU : Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!
TEACHER : PAPPU, give me a sentence starting with "I".
PAPPU : I is...
TEACHER : No, PAPPU. Always say, "I am."
PAPPU : All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
TEACHER : "Can anybody give an example of "COINCIDENCE?"
PAPPU : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time."
TEACHER : "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish
him?"
PAPPU : "Because George still had the axe in his hand?"
PAPPU : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
FATHER : No. Why do you ask that?
PAPPU: Well, where did you get THIS mummy then?
TEACHER : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green and one is blue with red spots !
PAPPU: Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair just like that at home.
TEACHER : Now, PAPPU, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating ?
PAPPU: No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.
TEACHER : PAPPU, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his ?
PAPPU: No, teacher, it's the same dog !
TEACHER : What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
PAPPU: A teacher
Source: Email forwards
PAPPU : "HIJKLMNO! "!!
TEACHER : What are you talking about?
PAPPU : Yesterday you said it's H to O !
TEACHER : PAPPU, go to the map and find North America.
PAPPU : Here it is!
TEACHER : Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS : PAPPU!
TEACHER : PAPPU, how do you spell "crocodile"?
PAPPU : "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
TEACHER : No, that's wrong
PAPPU : Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!
TEACHER : PAPPU, give me a sentence starting with "I".
PAPPU : I is...
TEACHER : No, PAPPU. Always say, "I am."
PAPPU : All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
TEACHER : "Can anybody give an example of "COINCIDENCE?"
PAPPU : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time."
TEACHER : "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish
him?"
PAPPU : "Because George still had the axe in his hand?"
PAPPU : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
FATHER : No. Why do you ask that?
PAPPU: Well, where did you get THIS mummy then?
TEACHER : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green and one is blue with red spots !
PAPPU: Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair just like that at home.
TEACHER : Now, PAPPU, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating ?
PAPPU: No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.
TEACHER : PAPPU, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his ?
PAPPU: No, teacher, it's the same dog !
TEACHER : What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
PAPPU: A teacher
Source: Email forwards
Jokes: One of the best interviews
Interviewer: Tell me about yourself.
Candidate: I am SAMEER GUPTA. I did my Tele Communication engineering from BabanRao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology.
Interviewer: BabanRao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology? I had never heard of this college before!
Candidate: Great! Even I had not heard of it before getting an admission into it .
What happened is - due to cricket world cup I scored badly! in 12th.I was getting a paid seat in a good college. But my father said (I prefer to call him 'baap') - "I can not invest so much of money".(The baap actually said - "I will never waste so much of money on you"). So I had to join this college. Frankly speaking this name - BabanRao Dhole-Patil, can at the most be related to a Shetakari Mahavidyalaya.
Interviewer: ok, ok. It seems you have taken 6 years to complete your engineering.
Candidate: Actually I tried my best to finish it in 4 years. But you know, these cricket matches and football world cup, and tennis tournaments. It is difficult to concentrate. So I flunked in 2nd and 3rd year. So in all I took 4 + 2 = 7 years.
Interviewer: But 4+2 is 6.
Candidate: Oh, is it? You know I always had KT in maths. But I will try to keep this in mind. 4+2 is 6, good, thanks. These cricket matches really affect exams a lot. I think they should ban it.
Interviewer: Good to know that you want cricket matches to be banned.
Candidate: No, no... I am talking about Exams!!
Interviewer: Ok, What is your biggest achievement in life?
Candidate: Obviously, completing my Engineering. My mom never thought I would complete it. In fact, when i flunked in 3rd year, she was looking for a job for me in BEST (Bus corporation in Maharashtra) through some relative.
Interviewer: Do you have any plans of higher study?
Candidate: he he he.. Are you kidding? Completing 'lower' education itself was so much of pain!!
Interviewer: Let's talk about technical stuff. On which platforms have you worked?
Candidate: Well, I work at SEEPZ, so you can say Andheri is my current platform. Earlier I was at Vashi center. So Vashi was my platform then.
As you can see I have experience of different platforms! (Vashi and Andheri are the places in Mumbai)
Interviewer: And which languages have you used?
Candidate: Marathi, Hindi, English. By the way, I can keep quiet in German, French, Russian and many other languages.
Interviewer: Why VC is better than VB?
Candidate: It is a common sense - C comes after B. So VC is a higher version than VB. I heard very soon they are coming up with a new language VD!
Interviewer: Do you know anything about Assembly Language?
Candidate: Well, I have not heard of it. But I guess, this is the language our ministers and MPs use in assembly.
Interviewer: What is your general project experience?
Candidate: My general experience about projects is - most of th! e times they are in pipeline!
Interviewer: Can you tell me about your current job?
Candidate: Sure, Currently I am working for Bata InfoTech ltd. Since joining BIL, I am on Bench. Before joining BIL, I used to think that Bench was another software like Windows.
Interviewer: Do you have any project management experience?
Candidate: No, but I gues! s it shouldn't be difficult. I know Word and Excel. I can talk a lot. I know how to dial for International phone call and use speaker facility. And very important - I know few words like - 'Showstoppers ' , 'hotfixes', 'SEI-CMM','quality','versioncontrol','deadlines' , 'Customer Satisfaction' etc. Also I can blame others for my mistakes!
Interviewer: What are your expectations from our company?
Candidate: Not much.
1. I should at least get 40,000 in hand.
2. I would like to work on a live EJB project. But it should not have deadlines. I personally feel that pressure affects natural talent.
3. I believe in flexi-timings.
4. Dress code is against basic freedom, so I would like to wear t-shirt and jeans.
5. We must have sat-sun off. I will suggest Wednesday off also, so as to avoid breakdown due to overwork.
6. I would like to go abroad 3 times a year on short term preferably 1-2
months) assignments. Personally I prefer US, Australia and Europe. But considering the fact that there is a world cup in West Indies in 2007, I don't mind going there in that period. As you can see I am modest and don't have many expectations. So can I assume my selection?
Interviewer: he he he ha ha ha. Thanks for your interest in our organization. In fact I was never entertained so much before.
Source: Email forwards
Candidate: I am SAMEER GUPTA. I did my Tele Communication engineering from BabanRao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology.
Interviewer: BabanRao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology? I had never heard of this college before!
Candidate: Great! Even I had not heard of it before getting an admission into it .
What happened is - due to cricket world cup I scored badly! in 12th.I was getting a paid seat in a good college. But my father said (I prefer to call him 'baap') - "I can not invest so much of money".(The baap actually said - "I will never waste so much of money on you"). So I had to join this college. Frankly speaking this name - BabanRao Dhole-Patil, can at the most be related to a Shetakari Mahavidyalaya.
Interviewer: ok, ok. It seems you have taken 6 years to complete your engineering.
Candidate: Actually I tried my best to finish it in 4 years. But you know, these cricket matches and football world cup, and tennis tournaments. It is difficult to concentrate. So I flunked in 2nd and 3rd year. So in all I took 4 + 2 = 7 years.
Interviewer: But 4+2 is 6.
Candidate: Oh, is it? You know I always had KT in maths. But I will try to keep this in mind. 4+2 is 6, good, thanks. These cricket matches really affect exams a lot. I think they should ban it.
Interviewer: Good to know that you want cricket matches to be banned.
Candidate: No, no... I am talking about Exams!!
Interviewer: Ok, What is your biggest achievement in life?
Candidate: Obviously, completing my Engineering. My mom never thought I would complete it. In fact, when i flunked in 3rd year, she was looking for a job for me in BEST (Bus corporation in Maharashtra) through some relative.
Interviewer: Do you have any plans of higher study?
Candidate: he he he.. Are you kidding? Completing 'lower' education itself was so much of pain!!
Interviewer: Let's talk about technical stuff. On which platforms have you worked?
Candidate: Well, I work at SEEPZ, so you can say Andheri is my current platform. Earlier I was at Vashi center. So Vashi was my platform then.
As you can see I have experience of different platforms! (Vashi and Andheri are the places in Mumbai)
Interviewer: And which languages have you used?
Candidate: Marathi, Hindi, English. By the way, I can keep quiet in German, French, Russian and many other languages.
Interviewer: Why VC is better than VB?
Candidate: It is a common sense - C comes after B. So VC is a higher version than VB. I heard very soon they are coming up with a new language VD!
Interviewer: Do you know anything about Assembly Language?
Candidate: Well, I have not heard of it. But I guess, this is the language our ministers and MPs use in assembly.
Interviewer: What is your general project experience?
Candidate: My general experience about projects is - most of th! e times they are in pipeline!
Interviewer: Can you tell me about your current job?
Candidate: Sure, Currently I am working for Bata InfoTech ltd. Since joining BIL, I am on Bench. Before joining BIL, I used to think that Bench was another software like Windows.
Interviewer: Do you have any project management experience?
Candidate: No, but I gues! s it shouldn't be difficult. I know Word and Excel. I can talk a lot. I know how to dial for International phone call and use speaker facility. And very important - I know few words like - 'Showstoppers ' , 'hotfixes', 'SEI-CMM','quality','versioncontrol','deadlines' , 'Customer Satisfaction' etc. Also I can blame others for my mistakes!
Interviewer: What are your expectations from our company?
Candidate: Not much.
1. I should at least get 40,000 in hand.
2. I would like to work on a live EJB project. But it should not have deadlines. I personally feel that pressure affects natural talent.
3. I believe in flexi-timings.
4. Dress code is against basic freedom, so I would like to wear t-shirt and jeans.
5. We must have sat-sun off. I will suggest Wednesday off also, so as to avoid breakdown due to overwork.
6. I would like to go abroad 3 times a year on short term preferably 1-2
months) assignments. Personally I prefer US, Australia and Europe. But considering the fact that there is a world cup in West Indies in 2007, I don't mind going there in that period. As you can see I am modest and don't have many expectations. So can I assume my selection?
Interviewer: he he he ha ha ha. Thanks for your interest in our organization. In fact I was never entertained so much before.
Source: Email forwards
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